be still....

As all momma's do, I love my kids. I love my kids more than I ever knew possible. I love their individuality, their spirits, their hearts, their little faces, their cute fingers and toes, and their presence. I don't always take the time to stop and be still. Time is flying by and we all need to be still and soak in the moment. Life is so busy and I find myself multi-tasking to get things done. I am undoing back packs, repacking back packs, signing agendas, checking homework, packing snacks, finding sports uniforms, and forget to stop, look in my child's eye and say "tell me about your day". I am working on stopping the multi-tasking and sit down to watch a movie with them, cook with them, shoot hockey goals, and pray with them.

I very clearly remember a moment in Grant's life. He was 6 weeks old and EXTREMELY critical. He was on a respirator and his stats were horrible. He was in the Cardiac ICU at Egleston after crashing and having a Code Blue called at Scottish Rite. I remember the surgeon walking in on Thursday night at 7:00 on 8/11/01 and say "if he is still here tomorrow, we will do surgery." At that very moment, my heart sank. I was incredibly nauseous and felt like I was having an outer body experience. I remember laying in bed that night. I cried harder than I have ever cried in my life. I prayed so hard and so long. I was trapped in a hotel room unable to sleep and panicing. I had to be still and be with God. I asked God to give me one more smile. I told him I would be okay with a trachetomy, trachea reconstruction, severe disabilities, medical issues but I just wanted my little boy to give me one more smile. I can honestly say that I felt God speak to me. God gave me a sense of peace that he would make it through the the night and through the heart surgery the next morning. That was good enough for me.. after that, God was faithful. Grant stayed on a vent for quite some time after the surgery as he was having a tough time. I remember walking into CICU 1 week later and seeing Skip leaning over the crib. I saw Grant look up at Skip and smile. I was warm all over. God had his hand on me. I have no doubt that God sent that smile to me. Grant was a medical miracle but more than that, he was God's miracle.

Why am I telling this story? I am telling this story because those very specific moments are so special to me. They were me and God. A moment that I was able to feel and understand because I was still. We need to be still. We need to be still in the moment with God and be still with our children. Time keeps ticking.. our children are growing up. Cherish the little things.