be still....

As all momma's do, I love my kids. I love my kids more than I ever knew possible. I love their individuality, their spirits, their hearts, their little faces, their cute fingers and toes, and their presence. I don't always take the time to stop and be still. Time is flying by and we all need to be still and soak in the moment. Life is so busy and I find myself multi-tasking to get things done. I am undoing back packs, repacking back packs, signing agendas, checking homework, packing snacks, finding sports uniforms, and forget to stop, look in my child's eye and say "tell me about your day". I am working on stopping the multi-tasking and sit down to watch a movie with them, cook with them, shoot hockey goals, and pray with them.

I very clearly remember a moment in Grant's life. He was 6 weeks old and EXTREMELY critical. He was on a respirator and his stats were horrible. He was in the Cardiac ICU at Egleston after crashing and having a Code Blue called at Scottish Rite. I remember the surgeon walking in on Thursday night at 7:00 on 8/11/01 and say "if he is still here tomorrow, we will do surgery." At that very moment, my heart sank. I was incredibly nauseous and felt like I was having an outer body experience. I remember laying in bed that night. I cried harder than I have ever cried in my life. I prayed so hard and so long. I was trapped in a hotel room unable to sleep and panicing. I had to be still and be with God. I asked God to give me one more smile. I told him I would be okay with a trachetomy, trachea reconstruction, severe disabilities, medical issues but I just wanted my little boy to give me one more smile. I can honestly say that I felt God speak to me. God gave me a sense of peace that he would make it through the the night and through the heart surgery the next morning. That was good enough for me.. after that, God was faithful. Grant stayed on a vent for quite some time after the surgery as he was having a tough time. I remember walking into CICU 1 week later and seeing Skip leaning over the crib. I saw Grant look up at Skip and smile. I was warm all over. God had his hand on me. I have no doubt that God sent that smile to me. Grant was a medical miracle but more than that, he was God's miracle.

Why am I telling this story? I am telling this story because those very specific moments are so special to me. They were me and God. A moment that I was able to feel and understand because I was still. We need to be still. We need to be still in the moment with God and be still with our children. Time keeps ticking.. our children are growing up. Cherish the little things.

Birthday photos

Grant turns 7!

Wow... I can't believe my baby is 7. It's times like that make you realize how fast time flies. It was only yesterday that the hospital folks did not believe I was in labor only to deliver 2 hours later... It was only yesterday that we were told they would do surgery in the morning if Grant was still with us.. It was only yesterday when he was taken to the hospital by ambulance in his little car seat... it was only yesterday that he was admitted at age 2 1/2 on Christmas Eve with resistant pneumonia.

Grant's life has been a whirlwind of adventures. He had endured over 20 hospitalizations, 2 cardiac surgeries, countless evasive medical tests and too many illnesses to count. Even with all that he has been through, he is not defined by his illness.. He is defined by the miracle his life is and the rough and tough way in which he leads it. Grant should not have survived if you reviewed his medical stats. He should have brain damage or organ failure based on these stats. Grant was given life. I have always thought that he will do something great one day.. that he will change someones (or some thousands) life in a remarkable way. God kept him on earth for a reason. I just hope I am here to see it all.

Grant is a rough little boy. We have learned to not live in fear or we would be in a constant state of shock. Grant's aorta was sewn in a sling to his rib cage at age 4 to prevent it from closing his trachea. With this tidbit of information.. you can see why any frontal contact would make me nervous. Our neighbors have said they close their blinds when his wobbly scooter goes down the hill. Grant plays football with the older boys. They are a little soft on him because of his size and age but I would not want to take tackle like he does. It is still rough.

All Grant wanted to do for his birthday was to play football in the front yard. So.. My sweet husband built a field goal out of PVC pipes. We just knew the Home Owner's Association would be all over this. Surprisingly, we did not get a letter. I just think it was down by the time they came to deliver the letter. So.. the guys played football in the front yard. Skip wore a ref skirt, blew the whistle and threw down the yellow flag. He argued with players over calls and kept the time clock. It rained so the grass was really slippery. Did I mention our hill has about a 20 degree slope? The boys loved it!!! Grant said it was his best party ever.. So much for spending money at an expensive place. This ROCKED!!! (in 7 year old language).